Some of you might think I need to be rushed to some lunatic asylum, however; there is something so exciting about these exams, that no matter how much I hate them; Somewhere, I do enjoy them. Especially the part after exams, when the teacher comes in with the corrected answer sheets. That is the moment she appears like god to me, she contains those answer-sheets; "my answersheet", that is priceless than any elixir especially since my marks at the mercy of her pen. It's that moment when all feelings start overcrowding in your mind, fighting with each other to establish their domination. A good paper welcomes desperateness, eagerness and the same time a little fear of getting a nasty shock. A bad paper calls for depression, sadness and yet a bleak flame of hope. When I'm 2 roll numbers away , everything around me goes silent. I jostle pass a mob of happy and sad students. For me everything at that moment is alive yet eerily dead.
When the roll call starts, I can feel myself trembling with fear. I try not to look around; because that makes me feel even worse. When my fellow toppers are up with very good marks, I feel the pressure over me, that I too need to score and the fear of I being the only one with bad marks starts taunting me. Seeing the good ones with bad marks, leaves me pale with fear; "if they've scored so bad, what's going to happen to me?" Either ways I'm traumatized, so I keep my head down and simply pray.
The teacher calls out my roll number. My face by then is as tiny as a dried tomato. I look at the teacher first, before looking at my marks. At that moment it feels as if the entire atmosphere is collapsing over my little head. Then I glance at my paper. Here there are 2 things that can happen:
My prediction comes true. I get what I expected. Then the blow or the happiness is moderate. Possibly because I'm mentally prepared for it.
Sometimes, the prediction goes wrong and turns out to be either terribly vile or an unbelievably sweet surprise. In this case I'm too shocked to react. Terrible marks make me feel as if someone punched me while I was having a good dream. Amazing marks... I guess that can be understood.
Whatever the marks are, they need to be accepted. No matter what they are, I try not to make a fuss out of it, unlike a few people who annoy me with their narcissistic talks or bore me with their teary-eyed drama. Once the paper is in your hands, the suspense is out, the thriller film like aura ends; either its is 'paisa vasool' (A good paper) or shamelessly pathetic (a bad paper). Money spent is spent (that is; paper written is written; now nothing can be done), so there is no point in cribbing. The trick is to not let one good paper or a bad paper affect you in anyway. So many exams are to be written, so many are to be passed; afterall, what can one goddamned exam do?
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